Yesterday began the same as the previous days I’ve had here. Work up early without an alarm (around 6am) and chilled for a while till breakfast came – a fruit plate of banana, papaya, water melon. I picked out some clothes and headed down to the Yoga Barn to join a morning yoga class. Skip ahead 10mins and I am sat quietly on my yoga mat ready to begin class.
Right away after savasana I feel as though something isn’t right. My head feels strange, my body feels heavy and I’m a little nauseous. Not enough to warrant any worry as I proceeded to wander around the yoga shop for a few minutes before deciding to head home. With each step I grew worse, dizzier, feeling weaker, the exhaust from every passing car and moped bothering me, till I finally reach my apartment and (excuse the bluntness) throw up.
I retreat to my bed for the coming hours, wavering in and out of consciousness every hour or so, feeling progressively feverish and incredibly sore throughout all of my muscles. I felt so weak and my head was pounding. It wasn’t until the late afternoon that I realize this should have been ‘slept off’ by now so perhaps something might be really wrong. I messaged Made, my homestay owner, about needing to go to the doctor and he made his way down to me.
The worry sets in
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this poorly, and so quickly, before. I had read of that an increasing number of people have been getting infected with dengue fever while visiting Bali. It’s a viral infection, transmitted by mosquito’s, which can be fatal. Symptoms are similar to mine; fever, headache, nausea, loss of energy, muscle pain all over my body especially in my back and legs. However, I’ve no rash, no chills, no swelling in my throat, no nose bleeding, and looking at whole body I have two bites that I can see…
Whilst I waited, I’d gotten pretty upset. I was upset being far away from Dave. I’d started blaming myself for having come away travelling. I was so scared that I had done something that could potentially seriously impair or even end my life. It may seem as though I’m jumping to conclusions; but knowing how dengue fever affects people from my home in the Philippines, I was scared. Not to mention distraught about missing the yoga course I had planned my whole trip for. My physical body was hurting. My emotional self was afraid. My spiritual self lead me back to my breathing, to the moment-to-moment presence where I realized that I have strength to move through this, and that these same moments were going to pass.
Visited the Doctors
The nurse and doctor at the clinic were incredibly patient and kind with me. My vitals were checked and seemed fine, I’ve been asked to come back for blood tests in two days, also given some meds to help with what I’m feeling.
Here I am, today.
As it stands, I’m on my second day of rest. I slept 11hrs through the night, and today I’m feeling a lot better. So much better, I felt like shopping today. Fever, headache, muscle pain and nausea gone, I’m a little less energetic, but back to my usual cheery self.
I just wanted to use this space to write down some of the things that were on my heart to say / write yesterday. Its one thing when you hear someone say that life is precious, and it’s another to have a personal experience of realizing it. Whether it comes in a mundane or serious moment, when you have your own realization of something, there is nothing truer. I found myself wanting to reach out with love to family and friends. I counted myself lucky to have done and seen all that I have. Whether or not being in Bali lead me to this, travelling is and will be in my path for years to come. Since choosing yoga, I have strived to be the kindest and most creative version of myself, open to continuous growth and love. I am so happy that I’ve used my time to finally become a compassionate vegan for the world that is our home, and all beings that we share it with. I wish I could say that I did not have regrets, but they were there. I wished I’d have been able to get in touch with my parents in the Philippines one last time. I wish I made more time to do things I loved, like reach out to people, let them know I thought of them with love wished them well. I wish I’d spent less time on worrying about things that didn’t matter. I wished I spent more time doing things that did. I wanted to do more to help, and make a difference.
I felt it was important for me to remember the things I felt yesterday. I knew my mind was erratic and worried, but those were my truths. What are the lessons I can learn amongst all of this?
Today I am a lot less worried, but just as clear. All I can say is that want to make the best of each moment, each new day I have.
I’ll have a rest day tomorrow too so will update what my blood work comes back with.